Edinburgh Sucks! | They’re looking for Teeth

Eric Milligan

They’re looking for Teeth

By The Basa ⋅ March 15, 2006 ⋅

Our readers making up the thin blue line wish us to continue on the theme of Eric “Teeth” Milligan’s expertise in all things sporting. When he was investigated for his use of a “blue light taxi” to whisk him and his friends to Ibrox to watch his first love, Hearts, it was described by the polis as a legitimate use of police resources because, wait for it, he was “studying the operational policing methods of Strathweegie Polis.” and this from a man who has been photographed swigging Buckfast with his fellow Hearts supporters after their cup win in 1998!

On his arrival back in Edinburgh, he abused the civilian driver by asking to be taken on a tour of bars and then finally take him and his councillor friends back home and pour them out of the vehicle at their front doors - No matter how hard you look, no trace of his incisive, analytical report into his visit can be found in Police Board Minutes or documents, and that over a year later - and we are informed that the civilian driver is still waiting to be paid for the three hours overtime that he put in chauffering the baloons around and which highlighted the problem for investigation.

Rugby is, of course, his second sporting love - isn’t Meggetland looking well these days as the home of his favourites, Boroughmuir - and having been seen strutting his Provost’s stuff (at our expense) in Paris over the years for the France rugby match we are left to wonder whether he has studied the operational policing methods of the Gendarmerie and the CRS …. Oh no, of course he would have to do that under the guise of the Convenor of the Police Board and return there next year or hasn’t he thought of that yet! Spies will be out in Rome shortly to see if he studies the polis there at the Italy rugby match at Stadio Flaminio (where, incidentally he always wears his kilt - in Hearts tartan!!) or whether he will study the layout and policing of the Colosseum, two thousand years after it was built! Best of all, he could stay over until the Sunday to watch Roma or Lazio playing football at the Stadio Olympico and give his much anticipated report real depth ….or hasn’t he thought of that yet!

Bear in mind, it looks likely that Hearts will be in European competition next year and that may mean trips to Barcelona, Madrid, Turin etc… and lots of policing methods to study there. Cops all over the city are eagerly awaiting his conclusions into policing major sporting events ……if he can force himself away from the hospitality areas. By the way, who’s paying for all these jolly trips as Eric presses the flesh for Edinburgh? The Provost? Thre Police Board? Teeth himself? As we are informed, the spies will be out in Rome looking for the Maroon Baloon.