The fees office who are so lax, they have paid out for cleaning of moats, houses for ducks, servants quarters, helipads, porn films, dry rot on almost another planet, drew the line when Nigel “Does my willy look big in this camera” Griffiths tried to take the piss and hump the taxpayer for a Â£3,604.99 claim for a television, DVD and digital radio.
You can just imagine the sniveling weasel in Harrods:
Shagger: Which of your TVs allow me to get STV.
Assistant: You don’t get scotch tv in lahndan mate.
Shagger: Oh well, just give me the most expensive one because I’m finished with the suspender’d one I’ll just fcuk the taxpayer now.
Even the wasters in the Fees Office saw through the pisstake and queried him on it. His reply:
“As a Scottish MP, I can only keep in touch with events during the day, which might affect my constituents, by tuning into the Scottish radio stations which the digital set provides. Likewise, I record the Scottish TV news and Scottish current affairs programmes, which feature issues in Scotland and in south Edinburgh. In a cramped London flat, flat-screen TV is the sensible option.”
That cramped London flat wasn’t so cramped when he got up to his sexual antics after his first hump in the Palace of Westminster on Remembrance Sunday last November. How the hell was he going to record Scottish TV shows, in London on a TV. Is he so dumb that he hasn’t figured out that BBC Scotland and STV have fcuking websites.
That flat screen TV would definitely have given him more room for his more ambitious sexual positions, we presume. But over 3 grand – what size was it and was it gold plated?
“Whilst we understand your explanation for the need for the purchase of these items, it is the level of your purchases that remains under question. “An amount of £3,604.99 is not considered to be an appropriate use of public funds when other more reasonably priced options are available” said the Fees Office which translated into English means, “fuck off, you really are taking the piss you lying, thieving little weasel.”
And the most disgusting thing thing about all of this, his constituency labour party will once again do f-all about it because they are all apprentice porkers themselves.
Come on Nigel, do the honourable thing – back up your cramped London flat into tea chests, making sure you gather up all your porn pictures, phone the tart you humped to say goodbye, book a one way 2nd class train ticket to Edinburgh and use a reverse charge call to 10 Downing Street to tell them you are all fcuked up and not coming back. Thanks.