Teeth Milligan will get an extra whitening and will in future use only half bottles of Buckfast so he can slip it neatly into his inside pocket. Cardownie will be adding a facial moisturizer to his napper. Spreading it liberally and working into his skin until all of the moisturizer has been absorbed. Taking a thin cotton towel he will polish the napper the way one would polish the bumper on a car. A few good swipes will do we are told. Andrew Burns, being the careful type, will wait until the second council meeting after seeing how Cardownie’s napper appears first.
They will all be popping down to one of the ring of pearls on Princes Street, Primark, to get new gear for the monthly appearance. The senior council officials of course will be heading to Harvey Nicks not wishing to slum it with the likes of Fatty Bridgeman, LazyBoy Cairns or Cammy ‘the connection’ Day.
Forget CBBC and CBeebies, everybody get ready for: